Lunatics and Princesses

Instead of working on my English paper like I'm supposed to I went back and looked over a bunch of journal entries from when I was all fucked up.

*am not fucked up anymore (I think) huzzah!*

It was very odd, reading those entries. Not so much for what they say as for what they bring to mind. Anyway, onwards.

Tentative schedule for next semester:

Monday, Wednesday, Friday

8:00-8:50 Special Investigations
9:00-9:50 Chemistry 104
10:00-10:50 Intro to Psychology
1:30-2:20 Algebra

Monday

11:30-12:20 Chemistry 104 Recitation

Wednesday

6:00-8:45 PM Criminal Investigations

Tuesday, Thursday

8:00-9:15 Criminalistics I
2:00-3:50 Ballroom Dancing

Tuesday

11:00-1:50 Chemistry 104 Lab

Note to Manda and Jason: That's the only ballroom dancing course offered. So if we want to take it together, Manda, then we've got to switch psych classes. I just picked a random one that fit in with the rest of my schedule.

Gah. So that's what... six classes plus lab and recitation; should be about... shit, only 17 credits. That's because ballroom dancing only counts for one. Fuck it; I really can't jam any more into this schedule and get a job on top of it all. I guess what I can't do in the fall I can get a jump start on in the summer. I think I'm going to take anthropology during the second 5 week summer session. Counting that class in with fall's credits ups me to 20 credits. That's doable.

After this semester I'll have 33 credits
After next semester I'll have 53 credits

...and that's so close to graduating it's not even funny. I really should try to jam it all in but at this point, I just don't want to. Canton will still be there the fall after next, and if it's not, then I'll just go to John Jay or try for GWU. Although I'm not so sure about GWU now that I've pretty much decided that I don't want to be in a lab at all, and I think that's what their program is geared for. Still considering it for my Master's, though.

In the meantime, there's the whole apartment drama thing to sort out. I found two that are close to school- one is a two bedroom for $550/mo., the other is a one bedroom for $400/mo. This is almost entirely contingent on how much money I make this summer, but I think I might be able to swing it. Might might might might might. Needless to say, my father blows a gasket at the very thought of it. On one hand I don't blame him, but on the other... living in Baldwinsville is just too damn out of the way. Having a car is too expensive- I'd be paying as much in gas and insurance as I would in rent per month to move closer to school. *facedesk* Gah. I don't even want to think about it right this second.

I have no idea how in the fuck I'm going to fit dance in on top of everything. And other inconsequential things, like sleep and possibly eating.

Whatever. Pacing yourself is for sissies, right?

[Note to self: don't forget algebra/trig/Greek/Latin on own time]
[Note to self again: don't forget about French and start Japanese]

I'm skipping chem lab to work on my speech. Which is probably a good thing, since I didn't finish the lab that is due today last night. I'll tackle it again once the speech is finished.

God, I wish this semester was over. It wouldn't be so hard if I had a computer at home to do homework on and the bus ride didn't eat up a huge chunk of the day. Next semester is only going to get harder, but I'll be able to handle it after a summer quasi-off. I don't know when summer class I'm going to take, but it won't be until August. Other than said class, I'm just going to study algebra and trig on my own, and try to learn enough Greek and Latin to get by next semester. [Note to self: keep up with French and start Japanese.]

The weather is warming up now, so I started running again last night. Without the iPod, sadly, but Anita is bringing in her laptop tomorrow because there's no firewalls stopping her from uploading songs onto the iPod on it. Bless her.

OH YEAH!! Lisa is coming up this weekend, too. There will be anime, and there will be Boondock Saints, and there will probably be Smirnoff Twisted and Wegman's after midnight for some stockboy madness! She's coming to classes with me tomorrow, so there will probably be many CSI jokes (my CRJ class is in the mini-crime lab at school.) We will also probably stalk Cowboy Nick.

[Note to self: Stop calling him Nick]

Madama Butterfly list (tix have been reserved, yay! I need $20 from everyone by Monday morning at the latest, aiight? Anywho, crossed out people have already paid me. Everyone else- give me your money or ELSE!!!! MUAH HA HA HA HA!!!! LOVE ME AND DESPAIR!!!!! *facedesk*)

Feather
Kelsey
Quinn
Manda
Jason 1
Jason 2
Alisha
Joe
Jason 2's Mom
Feather's Mom

This has been a generally shitty week. I'm glad it's over. I'm also glad that I'm going to the mall tonight so I can lay the smackdown on the bitches who sold me my iPod. You know, the one that doesn't work?

The computer is registering the iPod. But the iTunes software is not. In the meantime, I am without music and therefore without running and PKing and the Feather is getting antsy.

School sucked this week, too. Classes-wise and "Oh, we decided to hold off opening the dorms until 2007"-wise. Bastards.

Also I am getting poorer. I need a job but there aren't any, not for me anyway. Jobs require cars and less than two random hours of the day taken up on bus rides and no time for studying.

Note to self: call James re: Martha's Vineyard.

I'm meeting Dave in the gym at 11:30 so he can teach me kung fu. Or something. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but not I just want to spend the lunch break sleeping or hanging out in the Pit-that's-not-the-Pit (that is, if I can find it. Quinn's directions were kind of vague.)

Hell. I better run off to class now.

Damn you, iPod Shuffle. Damn you.

My CRJ paper is still not done.

I have about thirty seconds before I walk off to my doom.

*takes a deep breath and straightens shoulders*

If Marie Antionette can face her execution with dignity, then I think I can handle a chemistry test.

On the bus this morning, Jason said that it was normal for me to be nervous about giving my speech because I'm an introverted person.

Then Kevin broke in and corrected him. "You're not introverted. You're a social leper."

Why does leprosy keep coming up in bus conversations?

Anyway, spent the first part of the morning in one of the lecture auditoriums, debating the merits of my cleavage and practicing speaking out loud- once I was too fast, and the other I didn't make enough eye contact. Then we adjourned to the bridge, where Manda shared cake with Jason and I.

It was great cake and now my fingers smell like butterscotch. I'm going to go into this speech thing and I'm totally going to make it my bitch, because I believe in the power of butterscotch fingers.

I can't touch my eyes because I'm wearing makeup. I keep remembering just before I got to rub them, and look like an idiot because I raise my hands to my face, hold them there, and put them back down for what looks like no reason at all.

I. Feel. So. Stupid.

LIKE OMG I TOTALLY DID NOT DYE MY HAIR BLONDE YET- WTF?!?!?!?!

Basically, I missed a lab question because I was too dumb to see the forest for the trees. I swear to god, if you add three digits and a fancy name to a number I've known since the first day of chemistry class, I will not recognize it, and I will get the problem wrong, and my lab professor, who thinks I'm smart, will take me to task on it, and say that only one person in the class used this number for the problem, and WHY WASN'T IT YOU?????

*sob*

AND I got canvassed by CCE last night. The people I worked for over the summer. I couldn't send the girl away without about ten letters and fifteen bucks, because I know how much it sucks to be doing that. The upshot of this is, I'm down fifteen dollars. Guh.

In other news, Matt Ashby saved my ass from getting run over by a very speeding car this morning when I absentmindedly walked out into traffic. I told him thank you, but he said he just didn't want to get blood on his shoes.

Oh, and I'm skipping the Winterguard Home Show this year to go to a strip club. That is all.

So, it's...what, eight o'clock on Monday morning. Nothing special is going on. The weekend was okay- didn't quite get in all the studying I wanted with all the running around I wound up doing, but what the fuck.

Hung out with Andy on Friday, Tom on Saturday and went to see Hitch with Arou last night. Fun, fun, fun.

What the hell happened to my "absolutely no social life" rule? Maybe I should have formalized it and told everyone I was giving up my social life for Lent or something. Alas for my low willpower.

(Repeat. What the fuck.)

I feel amazingly calm considering I have a test tomorrow for sociology, another on Friday for chemistry, and I have to write my speech for tomorrow's public speaking class. I probably shouldn't have skipped sociology on Thursday, considering tomorrow's test, but I had public speaking homework to do, and the teacher had spent Tuesday's class talking about how the earth was, in fact, flat. I figured it was safe to miss. Guess I'll find out tomorrow whether I was right about that or not.

Wow. This is an amazingly uninteresting journal entry.

Sorry, Bree, I know that's not going to help with the breaking the habit of swearing thing.

But Christ almighty. I have the computer reserved for three o'clock, not you, and when the minute hand hits that 12, then you move your dumb, Confederate-flag bandana searching redneck ass the fuck off my terminal. Because that's fucking common courtesy. Don't make me wait twenty minutes and change my reservation out of sheer desperation, because NO, I CAN'T 'just go find another computer' because the librarians get all up in my shit about it. Okay? So FUCK OFF.

All right. I feel better now.

I left school early today, because Kelsey is sick with strep throat and I didn't want to leave her home by herself until 5:30. That's when Mom and Dad are supposed to get back from New York, but you never know with them and their travel schedules. The upshot is, I walked out in the middle of chemistry class to catch the bus that would get me home by noon.

I am so freaked about walking out on chemistry class. I've never done that before.

However, I'm pretty sure that's what the etiquette is if you have to leave in the middle of a lecture. At least, that's what I've seen other people do. Just pick up your stuff and leave as quietly and unobtrusively as you can. I'll probably go apologize during his office hours tomorrow, if I can squeeze it in. Which I probably won't be able to, with lab and all tomorrow morning. Ugh. But I really, really didn't want to be all the way up at OCC with Tess by herself. I skipped English, too, but that's not as big of a deal.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Dr. Leo looked at me funny when I walked out (not that I blame him, hello? It was random, like I took exception to how light is a wave and a particle or something) and I'm totally freaked about it.

BUT I'VE SEEN OTHER PEOPLE DO IT!!!!!!

... Yes. Yes, I would jump off the Bridge.

I am so totally on edge and I have no idea why. This is driving me out of my mind. It's not just the leaving class thing- that'll blow over, one way or another. I'm jumpy and jittery and can't focus on anything. I feel like I'm going to throw up more or less constantly and I've been grinding my teeth- AGAIN. I was doing it while I was reading magazines before and waiting for the computer. This sucks. This so, so sucks.

I find Cinephile very soothing. Too bad I can't take it home with me. Stupid fucking computers. I hate all of my music, I'm sick of it, I need to change everything in my life around right now. Maybe I'll go home and rearrange my furniture. Then I'll study.

...

When the hell did I turn into a hyperventilating, obsessive-compulsive, strung-out freak? Why was there no memo in my inbox about this?

I swear, this man is really, really stupid or something.

Gripe #1: The computer lab is supposed to be open BY 7:45, and he's usually late.

Gripe #2: Last semester, I lost my Opera Babes CD. Thinking I might have left it in one of the computers and someone might have turned it in to the front desk, I go up there and ask him about it.

Me: "Did anyone turn in an audio CD- it says 'Opera Babes' in blue on it."
Him: "Uh. I don't know."
Me: *deliberate pause* "Well, could you please check for me?"
Him: "All right..." *sits there, then slowly turns around and goes through a pile of CD's, without even looking at all of them* "I don't think it's here..." *vapid look*
Me (thinking): "Well, yeah, that's because you're a moron. It's not going to be on top, fucktard."
Me: "Thanks for looking."
Him: *looks at me like I have three heads*

Gripe #3: I've got two pictures I have to scan. Currently, the scanner, with it's own terminal, is sitting directly to my right. Hooked up and ready to go, apparently. So, I walk up to the desk to talk to My Friend the Idiot about it.

Him: *looks at me like I have three heads as I walk up*
Me: "Hi. Can you please show me how to use the scanner?"
Him: *blinks*
Me: *deliberate pause* "...I have some pictures to scan."
Him: "Um, I don't think you can do that."
Me: *is not really buying that shit, but is trying to give him the benefit of the doubt or time to get his head out of his ass, whichever comes first* "So, it's not hooked up?"
Him: "Um, no. No, it's not."
Me: *walks away in mild disgust*

Man. What a way to start off a morning. I hate stupid people. Wait, no, it's not even stupid people that drive me nuts; I can handle stupidity. It's the slow/lazy/stupid/unanimated people that drive me up the wall. And I don't care what's wrong with them, I don't care if they're on enough Valium to kill a small elephant, I don't care if there's something I'm supposed to precieve that I'm supposed to be sensitive to. They piss me off and I want to smack them, the end.

I think it's something in the water around here.

Posted elsewhere. Bleargh.

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