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nirix5Feeling extremely anti-social right now. Although I suppose that this time I have a reason- all this bullshit in my head has to get taken care of, one way or another. I thought it was until Friday when it was brought to my attention that it wasn't.
Except there's not a damn thing I can do about any of it.
Yeah, this is more or less a run-around-in-circles journal rant. Or something along those lines.
I just don't know anymore. You think you've got things all under control and then something happens to shake all the foundations you've laid.
This song makes me so incredibly homesick for a place that no longer exists. In that place the skyline always glitters, Nana lives on Bard Avenue, there's tomatoes and basil and a fig tree in the back yard, and rap music from the crack house around the corner is beautiful, because everyone is subconsciously moving to the beat. The lyrics have nothing to do with it, it's more or less the video. I lost a piece of myself when I lost that view.
And now I'm off on some completely fucked up tangent; I have no idea where it's going. Except I'm miserable and I'm too much of a coward to do anything about it but detach. It feels so strange letting this issue surface and thinking about trying to resolve it some other way than pretending it didn't happen and/or I wanted it to, or had planned it that way.
It wasn't my fault, it shouldn't have happened, but it is my fault, and it did. And it's going to tear me up inside, although I'm trying not to let it.
Except there's not a damn thing I can do about any of it.
Yeah, this is more or less a run-around-in-circles journal rant. Or something along those lines.
I just don't know anymore. You think you've got things all under control and then something happens to shake all the foundations you've laid.
This song makes me so incredibly homesick for a place that no longer exists. In that place the skyline always glitters, Nana lives on Bard Avenue, there's tomatoes and basil and a fig tree in the back yard, and rap music from the crack house around the corner is beautiful, because everyone is subconsciously moving to the beat. The lyrics have nothing to do with it, it's more or less the video. I lost a piece of myself when I lost that view.
And now I'm off on some completely fucked up tangent; I have no idea where it's going. Except I'm miserable and I'm too much of a coward to do anything about it but detach. It feels so strange letting this issue surface and thinking about trying to resolve it some other way than pretending it didn't happen and/or I wanted it to, or had planned it that way.
It wasn't my fault, it shouldn't have happened, but it is my fault, and it did. And it's going to tear me up inside, although I'm trying not to let it.
