I hate authority figures.

My aunt and my mother are conspiring to stick me in Explorers. “You should be in law enforcement. You’re always trying to beat people up.” Or, my mother says, you should be a lawyer. Ha. I laugh in the face of the enemy. That, and I hate cops and lawyers above all other people. Firemen are awesome. Cops suck. I just don’t trust them. They abuse their power too much and think that they are above the law, which they are not. And the lawyers help them. A pox on lawyers and police.

I hate authority figures.

My aunt and my mother are conspiring to stick me in Explorers. “You should be in law enforcement. You’re always trying to beat people up.” Or, my mother says, you should be a lawyer. Ha. I laugh in the face of the enemy. That, and I hate cops and lawyers above all other people. Firemen are awesome. Cops suck. I just don’t trust them. They abuse their power too much and think that they are above the law, which they are not. And the lawyers help them. A pox on lawyers and police.

Stupid Commentators!!!

“We’re live, and this is Austrailia.”

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Are the commentators now allowed to make stupid inside joke comments? Some guy said that he'd waited a year and a half to say that. And Katie Couric is a bitch with her panties in a wad and her nose in the air. (Hostility? Moi?)

Just finished watching the artistic part of the opening ceremony. I was laughing so hard I was crying. KKK on ice, LMAO. They were supposed to be giant icicles, but we all know that was the KKK on ice, chasing the “child of light.” Drama.

What fun fun fun things does this Olympics have in store for us, I wonder? Let me ask Miss Cleo… :: whisper whisper whisper :: Oh, lots of commercials? Really? Ten minute diatribes on the athlete’s sob stories that cut out most of the actually competition? You don’t say?

You know, I’d boycott this whole deal if it wasn’t for my intense interest in the ladies’ long and short. And I want to see, incidentally, how the ice dancers “tone things down.” What a riot.

I’m so sick of the blatant commercialism. Everything nowadays is one big commercial, so I don’t watch it anymore. The Olympics, the Grammys, the VMA’s… that was a farce this year if I ever saw one, and for some reason people seemed to catch on this time… nothing remains untouched by greed.

So you know what? Fuck commercials. And fuck corporate bigwigs who just want to make a buck off some poor sap who doesn’t know any better.

Or maybe I’m just being cynical?

Stupid Commentators!!!

“We’re live, and this is Austrailia.”

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Are the commentators now allowed to make stupid inside joke comments? Some guy said that he'd waited a year and a half to say that. And Katie Couric is a bitch with her panties in a wad and her nose in the air. (Hostility? Moi?)

Just finished watching the artistic part of the opening ceremony. I was laughing so hard I was crying. KKK on ice, LMAO. They were supposed to be giant icicles, but we all know that was the KKK on ice, chasing the “child of light.” Drama.

What fun fun fun things does this Olympics have in store for us, I wonder? Let me ask Miss Cleo… :: whisper whisper whisper :: Oh, lots of commercials? Really? Ten minute diatribes on the athlete’s sob stories that cut out most of the actually competition? You don’t say?

You know, I’d boycott this whole deal if it wasn’t for my intense interest in the ladies’ long and short. And I want to see, incidentally, how the ice dancers “tone things down.” What a riot.

I’m so sick of the blatant commercialism. Everything nowadays is one big commercial, so I don’t watch it anymore. The Olympics, the Grammys, the VMA’s… that was a farce this year if I ever saw one, and for some reason people seemed to catch on this time… nothing remains untouched by greed.

So you know what? Fuck commercials. And fuck corporate bigwigs who just want to make a buck off some poor sap who doesn’t know any better.

Or maybe I’m just being cynical?

Secret Diary #1

The V. Secret Diary of Kelsey...

Day 1
# Heather's boyfriends dispatched: 3, v. good.
# Of dents in shovel afterwards: only 2, v. good.

Have kidnapped Frodo. Go me! Am keeping him secret, at least for now, as am considered jailbait and do not want to get Frodo in trouble. Suspect Heather is suspicious, though. Told her whimpering sounds coming from under bed is the cat. Was bad idea as cat chose that moment to walk by us from the direction of bathroom.

Day 4

# of Heather's boyfriends dispatched: 0, but v. good as none came calling.
# of times forgot to feed Frodo: 4 in past 3 days, but am improving, so v. good.
# of times had to redo homework to anal retentive father's specifications: 16. V. bad. V. v. bad.

Am remembering to feed Frodo. Not as consistent as he thinks appropriate, however, can only pilfer so much food from kitchen without Mom noticing. Got fed twice today. Must be content with Oreo's, some cherry tomatoes and a banana. Will get dinner leftovers, as Mom and Dad are going shopping and Heather holes herself in her garret as soon as humanly possible to avoid all contact with others of her race. Think she is training to be a nun. V. uncertain as of right now.

Day 6

# of hobbits met today: 3, v. interesting as looking for a certain someone stashed under my bed.

Sam onto me. Followed me home and discovered Frodo. V. bad.

// Later //

Sam says will kill me if try anything.
Told said hobbit to bring it. Have shovel in garage with his name on it.
Will see who gets killed.

Day 7

# of men in house: 9. v. bad.
# of unconscious men in house: 7. v. good.
# of different species in house: 4. v. strange.
# of lies told to Heather concerning men in house: 17.432, v. bad, but suspect she stopped caring after making off to garret with tall blonde elf.
# of times Frodo passed out: 1. v. bad as still gone.

Tried something with Frodo. Sam tried to kill me. Hit Sam over head with shovel. Hit Merry and Pippin over shovel for good luck. Hit Boromir because he looked at Heather. Hit Gandalf and Strider for shits and giggles. Tied all to post in basement with handset cords and cross-connect wire from Dad's truck. Have delivered smackdown. Go me!
Let Gimli go as is interesting fellow, plus needed help moving big burly men into basement.
Let Elf Boy go to distract Heather.
Told Gimli to make himself at home. Gave him Dark Angel TV guide and bag of chips.
Am going to wake up Frodo. Go me!

Secret Diary #1

The V. Secret Diary of Kelsey...

Day 1
# Heather's boyfriends dispatched: 3, v. good.
# Of dents in shovel afterwards: only 2, v. good.

Have kidnapped Frodo. Go me! Am keeping him secret, at least for now, as am considered jailbait and do not want to get Frodo in trouble. Suspect Heather is suspicious, though. Told her whimpering sounds coming from under bed is the cat. Was bad idea as cat chose that moment to walk by us from the direction of bathroom.

Day 4

# of Heather's boyfriends dispatched: 0, but v. good as none came calling.
# of times forgot to feed Frodo: 4 in past 3 days, but am improving, so v. good.
# of times had to redo homework to anal retentive father's specifications: 16. V. bad. V. v. bad.

Am remembering to feed Frodo. Not as consistent as he thinks appropriate, however, can only pilfer so much food from kitchen without Mom noticing. Got fed twice today. Must be content with Oreo's, some cherry tomatoes and a banana. Will get dinner leftovers, as Mom and Dad are going shopping and Heather holes herself in her garret as soon as humanly possible to avoid all contact with others of her race. Think she is training to be a nun. V. uncertain as of right now.

Day 6

# of hobbits met today: 3, v. interesting as looking for a certain someone stashed under my bed.

Sam onto me. Followed me home and discovered Frodo. V. bad.

// Later //

Sam says will kill me if try anything.
Told said hobbit to bring it. Have shovel in garage with his name on it.
Will see who gets killed.

Day 7

# of men in house: 9. v. bad.
# of unconscious men in house: 7. v. good.
# of different species in house: 4. v. strange.
# of lies told to Heather concerning men in house: 17.432, v. bad, but suspect she stopped caring after making off to garret with tall blonde elf.
# of times Frodo passed out: 1. v. bad as still gone.

Tried something with Frodo. Sam tried to kill me. Hit Sam over head with shovel. Hit Merry and Pippin over shovel for good luck. Hit Boromir because he looked at Heather. Hit Gandalf and Strider for shits and giggles. Tied all to post in basement with handset cords and cross-connect wire from Dad's truck. Have delivered smackdown. Go me!
Let Gimli go as is interesting fellow, plus needed help moving big burly men into basement.
Let Elf Boy go to distract Heather.
Told Gimli to make himself at home. Gave him Dark Angel TV guide and bag of chips.
Am going to wake up Frodo. Go me!