..........

I am mad. Very, very mad. And extremely frustrated about the situation I am repeatedly finding myself in.

There are so few people who I can even bring up the subject with. And forget writing it all down in any of my journals, paper or online. Not that writing anything down would do anyone any good- most of the time the thoughts in my head don't come together to form words and sentences. It's just a constant feeling of anger deep in my chest.

And there's really nothing I can do about it.

..........

I am mad. Very, very mad. And extremely frustrated about the situation I am repeatedly finding myself in.

There are so few people who I can even bring up the subject with. And forget writing it all down in any of my journals, paper or online. Not that writing anything down would do anyone any good- most of the time the thoughts in my head don't come together to form words and sentences. It's just a constant feeling of anger deep in my chest.

And there's really nothing I can do about it.

Star Wars again.

Took Tess to see it this time. Every time I see this movie, I keep noticing more and more things that bother me. For example:

~ Yoda tells Amidala how he's happy that she's alive. Amidala doesn't even smile at him, let alone say thank you- just talks right over his head. Seems rude.

~ After falling in sand and dirt about a thousand times, that white outfit of Amidala's never gets dirty. Highly bloody unlikely.

Other stuff too, but those are the main things.

I've got ideas for more fanfics... why can't the muses send me some inspiration for original work??? That and I think I should finish the ones I started. But I guess I'm going to be starting another- a LOTR/Star Wars crossover this time. Should be fun.

Just got an email from Rafa. He is not engaged, nor did he win the Argentinian lottery. Nor is he gonna be back soon :(

He called me "quinky." LOL. Cute.

Star Wars again.

Took Tess to see it this time. Every time I see this movie, I keep noticing more and more things that bother me. For example:

~ Yoda tells Amidala how he's happy that she's alive. Amidala doesn't even smile at him, let alone say thank you- just talks right over his head. Seems rude.

~ After falling in sand and dirt about a thousand times, that white outfit of Amidala's never gets dirty. Highly bloody unlikely.

Other stuff too, but those are the main things.

I've got ideas for more fanfics... why can't the muses send me some inspiration for original work??? That and I think I should finish the ones I started. But I guess I'm going to be starting another- a LOTR/Star Wars crossover this time. Should be fun.

Just got an email from Rafa. He is not engaged, nor did he win the Argentinian lottery. Nor is he gonna be back soon :(

He called me "quinky." LOL. Cute.

Always a catch.

Alex is playing Carnagie Hall on Friday night. Which means that we have to leave on Thursday night. Which means that Dad is going to move extra fucking slow and be extra fucking bitchy. ARRRGGGGH.

I need to figure out how to burn CD's over the next two days or so. Which means I have to buy more CD's, or scrape the ones I already burned- I think there's something wrong with the damn program. They'll stop burning in the middle of something and then you can't add more too it. I wonder what I'm doing wrong???

I'm going to be up till one in the morning writing. I can tell already. That does not seem fun, and I don't want to go to work tomorrow.

Always a catch.

Alex is playing Carnagie Hall on Friday night. Which means that we have to leave on Thursday night. Which means that Dad is going to move extra fucking slow and be extra fucking bitchy. ARRRGGGGH.

I need to figure out how to burn CD's over the next two days or so. Which means I have to buy more CD's, or scrape the ones I already burned- I think there's something wrong with the damn program. They'll stop burning in the middle of something and then you can't add more too it. I wonder what I'm doing wrong???

I'm going to be up till one in the morning writing. I can tell already. That does not seem fun, and I don't want to go to work tomorrow.

(no subject)

I just read the Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allan Poe.

That is and always will be one of my favorite stories. Applesauce, beyotch.

I'm gonna fool around with icons now. And fanfics. Maybe I'll get past the stupid dialouge one of these days.

And I get to play the harp again when I'm in Jersey. So I can figure out the last part of Across the Stars. Even if it's only a lap harp, I can still plink it out. Fun fun.

(no subject)

I just read the Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allan Poe.

That is and always will be one of my favorite stories. Applesauce, beyotch.

I'm gonna fool around with icons now. And fanfics. Maybe I'll get past the stupid dialouge one of these days.

And I get to play the harp again when I'm in Jersey. So I can figure out the last part of Across the Stars. Even if it's only a lap harp, I can still plink it out. Fun fun.

If I get this out of my head now, it won't bother me later.

I DO NOT:

~ like to play games.
~ read between the lines when the object is to play games.
~ read between lines, period.
~ have to take shit from anyone.
~ have to be nice and pleasant when I don't feel the occasion calls for it.
~ have to let people push me around

I CAN:

~ tell people to fuck off when they've got it coming.
~ tell people to leave me the hell alone when they're bothering me.
~ punch them in the face when they don't listen.
~ walk away from bullshit.
~ say fuck the games, lay my cards on the table, and let them figure it out.
~ and be totally cool with the consequences of the above statement.
~ make my own descisions.
~ Not let myself get taken advantage of just because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
~ kick ass if I have to. And not kick ass when I don't.

Point is that certain people can go fuck themselves and get over it. I'm so sick, and tired, being...what? I'm not sure, but I've worked to stop being whatever it is that I was before, and I will not fall back into that pattern. I like who I am now. I like the way I think. So anyone who has a problem with that can go lay on the railroad tracks to catch the 10:57.

Now that I've vented, I feel better. And Alicia Key's music helps alot.

Up yours, world, I don't give a shit.

If I get this out of my head now, it won't bother me later.

I DO NOT:

~ like to play games.
~ read between the lines when the object is to play games.
~ read between lines, period.
~ have to take shit from anyone.
~ have to be nice and pleasant when I don't feel the occasion calls for it.
~ have to let people push me around

I CAN:

~ tell people to fuck off when they've got it coming.
~ tell people to leave me the hell alone when they're bothering me.
~ punch them in the face when they don't listen.
~ walk away from bullshit.
~ say fuck the games, lay my cards on the table, and let them figure it out.
~ and be totally cool with the consequences of the above statement.
~ make my own descisions.
~ Not let myself get taken advantage of just because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings.
~ kick ass if I have to. And not kick ass when I don't.

Point is that certain people can go fuck themselves and get over it. I'm so sick, and tired, being...what? I'm not sure, but I've worked to stop being whatever it is that I was before, and I will not fall back into that pattern. I like who I am now. I like the way I think. So anyone who has a problem with that can go lay on the railroad tracks to catch the 10:57.

Now that I've vented, I feel better. And Alicia Key's music helps alot.

Up yours, world, I don't give a shit.