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The sky is broken, indeed.
Jan. 15th, 2002 09:10 pmWhere to start?
I have a sore throat, a head cold, a cough, and the beginnings of a headache. My dad just through a tantrum over the computer and my mom's email account, I'm not quite sure why... and on top of all this I was feeling introspective today, and thoughtful, which leads to people poking me and asking me what's wrong.
Other than that life is okay. Anna and I are working on a movie, to be shot this summer; Tom is in it for the sole purpose of being continually mauled. It's gonna be great. Assuming we finish it in time, but I'm sure we will. I got ribbons for my pointe shoes today and put them on after dinner. Now I feel like a real ballerina. I told my mom that and she says I am a ballerina, regardless of whether or not I took years of lessons. I love my mom, she's always there for me when I need her.
I have this habit of having conversations with people in my head... It helps to sort things out alot. When I'm mad at someone, I yell at them in my head and then I'm not mad at them anymore, that sort of thing. Usually it's people I know, but for some reason I was talking to Legolas in my head today. I think it's because he figures so prominently in the fanfic I'm writing- anyway, in my daydream thing we were sitting on this log, just talking. And he asks me, "If you had the choice, would you rather live in Middle Earth or America?" or something to that effect. It got me to thinking, and comparing this world to theirs.
And I wonder... is this the end of our own age? Is this world poisoned and broken? It seems that way to me. In LOTR, they fight a war. It's good against evil, pretty cut and dried when it comes right down to it. Here, we're "fighting" a war. The only casualties are the civilians, and the whole thing is pointless. There's no up close fighting anymore, so nothing is learned from it. We should be beyond war by now- so why aren't we? Why are some people starving and some people throwing food away? It's pointless, unnecessary. Maybe it's because we have nothing to fight for, nothing to come together against. So many would people would say I'm wrong about that. They'd say, "Oh, we have to stand together against Osama Bin Laden." We did, it's over now. All that's left are the tattered American flags that no one pays much attention to hanging off of car antennas. You can't fight evil when it's so spread out and so much a part of everything. Maybe that's it- our world is made up entirely of gray areas, and nothing is black and white and easy to see and define. If something is so intricate, won't it collapse in on itself?
And yet I don't think, if given the choice, that I could leave this place. Even to go live with the Elves in someplace akin to Paradise or Eden. I couldn't leave New York. That city runs in the blood in my veins and I'd be heartsick and lost without it. Am I thinking differently now that the Towers are gone? Yes and no. I still don't think I could leave, even though things have taken a nose dive for the worse.
Days like this I wish I had a motorcycle and it was summer time so the roads were clear. I wish there was someplace left to explore. I wish there were still quests to take and evil to fight; maybe that's why I write myself into fanfics so much. For a sense of purpose, which I don't have right now. I feel so lost sometimes.
I have a sore throat, a head cold, a cough, and the beginnings of a headache. My dad just through a tantrum over the computer and my mom's email account, I'm not quite sure why... and on top of all this I was feeling introspective today, and thoughtful, which leads to people poking me and asking me what's wrong.
Other than that life is okay. Anna and I are working on a movie, to be shot this summer; Tom is in it for the sole purpose of being continually mauled. It's gonna be great. Assuming we finish it in time, but I'm sure we will. I got ribbons for my pointe shoes today and put them on after dinner. Now I feel like a real ballerina. I told my mom that and she says I am a ballerina, regardless of whether or not I took years of lessons. I love my mom, she's always there for me when I need her.
I have this habit of having conversations with people in my head... It helps to sort things out alot. When I'm mad at someone, I yell at them in my head and then I'm not mad at them anymore, that sort of thing. Usually it's people I know, but for some reason I was talking to Legolas in my head today. I think it's because he figures so prominently in the fanfic I'm writing- anyway, in my daydream thing we were sitting on this log, just talking. And he asks me, "If you had the choice, would you rather live in Middle Earth or America?" or something to that effect. It got me to thinking, and comparing this world to theirs.
And I wonder... is this the end of our own age? Is this world poisoned and broken? It seems that way to me. In LOTR, they fight a war. It's good against evil, pretty cut and dried when it comes right down to it. Here, we're "fighting" a war. The only casualties are the civilians, and the whole thing is pointless. There's no up close fighting anymore, so nothing is learned from it. We should be beyond war by now- so why aren't we? Why are some people starving and some people throwing food away? It's pointless, unnecessary. Maybe it's because we have nothing to fight for, nothing to come together against. So many would people would say I'm wrong about that. They'd say, "Oh, we have to stand together against Osama Bin Laden." We did, it's over now. All that's left are the tattered American flags that no one pays much attention to hanging off of car antennas. You can't fight evil when it's so spread out and so much a part of everything. Maybe that's it- our world is made up entirely of gray areas, and nothing is black and white and easy to see and define. If something is so intricate, won't it collapse in on itself?
And yet I don't think, if given the choice, that I could leave this place. Even to go live with the Elves in someplace akin to Paradise or Eden. I couldn't leave New York. That city runs in the blood in my veins and I'd be heartsick and lost without it. Am I thinking differently now that the Towers are gone? Yes and no. I still don't think I could leave, even though things have taken a nose dive for the worse.
Days like this I wish I had a motorcycle and it was summer time so the roads were clear. I wish there was someplace left to explore. I wish there were still quests to take and evil to fight; maybe that's why I write myself into fanfics so much. For a sense of purpose, which I don't have right now. I feel so lost sometimes.
