I am trying as hard as I can to finish my goddamned thesis. It's insanely difficult because I stopped caring about it the minute I started it, and if I don't care about something I don't do it. I should have stuck to my guns and done the Bayeux thing, but... well. Department pressure is department pressure, and it's kind of too late to change now.
We're moving at the end of June and I have to figure out the fuck to where. Original plan was to shack up with mom and dad for a bit, save some money, figure out doctoral plans. Now J and I have decided fuck it, I'll move to Jersey instead, and stay with his family until I a) find a job down there and b) we find a house. This will not do. On so many levels. Hoo boy. I love his family but I've never lived with them (whereas I've lived with my own. Obviously.)
Also I'm getting married and that's freaking me out. Not the getting married (being married?) part. That's awesome. But I never in a million years thought I'd have like, daily panic attacks about planning a wedding. I've been so on top of wedding planning since I was twelve! I know all the things to do! It's ridiculous. Pick a dress. Pick flowers. Take a bunch of people out to dinner and dancing. People make so much more out of it than it is. And yet... and yet...
Well, part of the problem is my deep-seated desire to get married at home, and not in the wilds (home being the New York City metropolitan area.) So everything's automatically twice as expensive. Also I'm freaking out because people will have to pay tolls to come. Which is stupid, but there you go.
So, Plan A:
Staten Island. Get married at Christ Church which is where like everybody in my family gets married. V. sentimental, continuity, etc. Have reception at Snug Harbor- v. classy, as opposed to that place on the South Shore where all the-- well, nevermind, I won't say anything about Mob Wives and Jersey Shore or whatever, but I REFUSE to have a party in one of those places. If get married at SH, then can rent out Children's Museum for to keep any children occupied while the adults have fun. (I am really going to try to accomodate people with children. Really. I just really, really don't want them to disrupt the ceremony/cocktail hour/beginning of diner. The plan has always been to set up a separate space for them with tv/movies/pizza/games/activities/video games/whatever to keep them occupied. This would be easiest at this location because the Children's Museum is FUCKING AWESOME.)
However, SH in January is kind of blah. It's a botanical garden. It's January. I don't need to lay out the math here. Also J is kind of meh (okay, completely, totally meh) on the idea of a religious ceremony, which makes the church thing complicated (if I'm getting married in a church, it has to be that one. No other church will do. Or I don't care enough about it to pick out and fuck around with another church.) Also the bridge tolls are fucking expensive, and I feel bad doing that to people. Also, there are like, no hotels on Staten Island. Well, that's not true. There are maybe three of them, but they're all nowhere near the church or SH, and the thought of my upstate friends navigating Staten Island's weird little residential streets and traffic has me running for the nearest paper bag to breathe into.
There is another option that we're looking at, same company and everything. It's called Liberty House and it's in Jersey City. It's got gorgeous skyline views, which as been the most important aspect of any wedding I've planned since I was about nine and started planning weddings. That's about it. It's a standard catering hall, no museum for the kids, no church (which really I'm fine with) and... yeah. But! hotels close by, no bridge tolls. Verdict: awesome and pretty, but not particularly unique.
Also having panic attacks about paying for all of this. Goes without saying. I'll have about eight grand saved up by the end of June. Which means... what? Nothing. Oh my god.
Also I have the period from hell. Because: I have a 29mm cyst on my ovary that's in the process of resolving itself. Ow. The cramps have been hard this time around, even though the doctor had me stay on the active pill cycle, and I've felt generally shitty the past two days. Like, laid around the house in my jammies shitty. Which I absolutely fucking hate. Also I have a pulled groin from dance last week. K asked me to be in a tribute dance for Js, which I was happy to do. Then she said 'leap' and I leapt like I haven't leapt in years. And pulled my groin muscle. WTF BODY, WHEN DID YOU START GETTING OLD ON ME?
It was my own fault. I didn't warm up, just started dancing. What a dumbass I am sometimes.
Teal Deers run in packs:
- my thesis isn't done
- my wedding isn't planned
- omg cramps
- I'm old