nirix5: (me!)
I am trying as hard as I can to finish my goddamned thesis. It's insanely difficult because I stopped caring about it the minute I started it, and if I don't care about something I don't do it. I should have stuck to my guns and done the Bayeux thing, but... well. Department pressure is department pressure, and it's kind of too late to change now.

We're moving at the end of June and I have to figure out the fuck to where. Original plan was to shack up with mom and dad for a bit, save some money, figure out doctoral plans. Now J and I have decided fuck it, I'll move to Jersey instead, and stay with his family until I a) find a job down there and b) we find a house. This will not do. On so many levels. Hoo boy. I love his family but I've never lived with them (whereas I've lived with my own. Obviously.)

Also I'm getting married and that's freaking me out. Not the getting married (being married?) part. That's awesome. But I never in a million years thought I'd have like, daily panic attacks about planning a wedding. I've been so on top of wedding planning since I was twelve! I know all the things to do! It's ridiculous. Pick a dress. Pick flowers. Take a bunch of people out to dinner and dancing. People make so much more out of it than it is. And yet... and yet...

Well, part of the problem is my deep-seated desire to get married at home, and not in the wilds (home being the New York City metropolitan area.) So everything's automatically twice as expensive. Also I'm freaking out because people will have to pay tolls to come. Which is stupid, but there you go.

So, Plan A:

Staten Island. Get married at Christ Church which is where like everybody in my family gets married. V. sentimental, continuity, etc. Have reception at Snug Harbor- v. classy, as opposed to that place on the South Shore where all the-- well, nevermind, I won't say anything about Mob Wives and Jersey Shore or whatever, but I REFUSE to have a party in one of those places. If get married at SH, then can rent out Children's Museum for to keep any children occupied while the adults have fun. (I am really going to try to accomodate people with children. Really. I just really, really don't want them to disrupt the ceremony/cocktail hour/beginning of diner. The plan has always been to set up a separate space for them with tv/movies/pizza/games/activities/video games/whatever to keep them occupied. This would be easiest at this location because the Children's Museum is FUCKING AWESOME.)

However, SH in January is kind of blah. It's a botanical garden. It's January. I don't need to lay out the math here. Also J is kind of meh (okay, completely, totally meh) on the idea of a religious ceremony, which makes the church thing complicated (if I'm getting married in a church, it has to be that one. No other church will do. Or I don't care enough about it to pick out and fuck around with another church.) Also the bridge tolls are fucking expensive, and I feel bad doing that to people. Also, there are like, no hotels on Staten Island. Well, that's not true. There are maybe three of them, but they're all nowhere near the church or SH, and the thought of my upstate friends navigating Staten Island's weird little residential streets and traffic has me running for the nearest paper bag to breathe into.

There is another option that we're looking at, same company and everything. It's called Liberty House and it's in Jersey City. It's got gorgeous skyline views, which as been the most important aspect of any wedding I've planned since I was about nine and started planning weddings. That's about it. It's a standard catering hall, no museum for the kids, no church (which really I'm fine with) and... yeah. But! hotels close by, no bridge tolls. Verdict: awesome and pretty, but not particularly unique.

Also having panic attacks about paying for all of this. Goes without saying. I'll have about eight grand saved up by the end of June. Which means... what? Nothing. Oh my god.

Also I have the period from hell. Because: I have a 29mm cyst on my ovary that's in the process of resolving itself. Ow. The cramps have been hard this time around, even though the doctor had me stay on the active pill cycle, and I've felt generally shitty the past two days. Like, laid around the house in my jammies shitty. Which I absolutely fucking hate. Also I have a pulled groin from dance last week. K asked me to be in a tribute dance for Js, which I was happy to do. Then she said 'leap' and I leapt like I haven't leapt in years. And pulled my groin muscle. WTF BODY, WHEN DID YOU START GETTING OLD ON ME?

It was my own fault. I didn't warm up, just started dancing. What a dumbass I am sometimes.

Teal Deers run in packs:

- my thesis isn't done
- my wedding isn't planned
- omg cramps
- I'm old
nirix5: (duncansex!)
Today is the first day that I don't really have something going on. For all intents and purposes, the dock is out of the lake and the lawns are mowed- J's parents aren't coming back up until Halloween weekend to take out the support posts, so we don't have work to do up there. Which is good, because I need to clean the house from top to bottom.

Also on today's agenda:

- plum puddings
- work on zombie costumes for next weekend's Zombie Walk
- research

Tomorrow is going to be jam-packed. TnT is doing a field trip to the Corning Museum of Glass to see the medieval glass exhibit they have there now, and Yosra is moving out in the morning, and we're helping her do that. Which means we have to get up ass early and go pick up her mattress, since we have to be on campus at 11:45 to leave for Corning. Hurrrrrrrr.

(Just checked the hours of the mattress place- it is probably better if we pick up/move her mattress when she gets off work tonight, as they're open til 9. If we can get it into the truck. fml.)

Aw, hell.

nirix5: (duncansex!)
So I have to write a 15 page paper with a historiography on St Catherine's Monastery in Mt Sinai, Egypt, to turn in tomorrow. I'm actually ahead of schedule- I already have the books to do the research. Now I just have to crack them open and write the actual paper.

I really enjoy studying Byzantine history and art. I love how I can, if I choose, make my Classics degree work for me: Rome ---> Byzantium ---> Russia. However, if I decide to do this, I have to study Greek. Greek, like, "Hey Heather, the last three years you spent busting your ass on Latin are meaningless, now start over with Greek" kind of Greek. With Scholtz. DOOOOOM.

Dating a Justin. Justin and its derivatives were popular names for Byzantine emperors and VIPs. Coincidence?

Maybe I'll change my name to Theodora.



May. 1st, 2008 02:06 pm
nirix5: (fantasia- naked)
I think I'm going a little crazy.

I should be happy with my life right now. I'm in a good school studying a subject that I adore; not only that, but I actually have professional contacts now, and the prospect of a Real Job (TM) at the end of it all! And now that I'm so close- finally, after years of stupidity, to finishing- I want to drop it all. Again. I just want to cosplay. LAAAAAME.

I love theatrical costuming. I love the idea of it, the engineering behind it. I don't have the time or the money to do it as much as I'd like to right now- three cons a year is a lot. And it's not enough, not at all.

I need to stay off the costuming parts of the internet, at least until finals are over, I think. This semester has sucked hardcore, from music to the Latin and French clusterfuck to all the other random stressors I've been involved with. Now that it's so close to the end of the semester, I'm fragile or something. I looked at a picture of Adella's about fifteen minutes ago and burst into tears- just sat there crying for a bit. Like, I'll never be that. I haven't got a chance in hell. Which is a stupid, hysterical way of thinking because hello! I can do that if I want to. But it's all the little things. Dental issues. Time issues. All the "old" comments getting to me, which is stupid. My armor is a little thinner every day.

Probably not helping is the diet issue. Although I don't like to call it a diet per se. I watch what I eat now, and log the calories every day. I'm also trying to get into the gym every day, but that doesn't always work- depends on how sick I'm feeling, or if I have a ton of homework or whatever. I like counting calories; it makes me aware of what I'm putting in my mouth. Instead of just eating mindlessly or not thinking about what I'm drinking (I put a lot of sugar in my coffee, lol) I'm watching it. It makes food more enjoyable, too, since I've taught myself to eat when I'm hungry and not to just stick something in my face cause I'm bored. Most days this whole method (no denial, eat what you want, if it's high calorie, eat a little bit) works great for me, and I've seen good results. But occasionally it backfires. Today I got a coffee and drank half of it, then threw the rest away because I was disgusted with myself for doing it. Gotta be careful not to spiral down that road- it's too easy to start with that thinking, and the end result ain't pretty. And with all the dance stuff in the works, shows and stuff... the pressure to lose the weight is there, for the sheer fact that that little bit on my hips impedes my arabesque. Which isn't necessarily true, but I can feel it there, bunching up.

But that's toning, not weight loss. That's what the damn ellipticals at the gym are for.

I'm worried about this summer. I can't run. I tried a couple of weekends ago- I run for about twenty feet and have to stop. Makes no sense, as I can go straight on the elliptical for almost an hour. But whatever. I have to find a place nearby with an elliptical over the summer, to stay in shape.

Okay. I feel a little calmer now. I think I just need a nap- haven't taken one yet today. And I need for school to be over, so I can relax a little, and not be ripping my hair out over stupid music theory and gerundive- verbs? participles?

Also, I gotta go try and get Advent Children back from Josh. We're having a movie night for TnT- not medieval, but whatever, lol. Also, Professor S is down for Sephiroth madness. This makes me fangirl him even more, if that were possible.

Blah. Tomorrow's gonna be better than today.
nirix5: (maromi (paranoia agent))
...said Shizuka Arakawa, as she carefully dusted her gold medal for incriminating fingerprints, certain that Irina Slutskaya had been trying steal it during the night. She was absolutely sure that she had heard the Russian skater eyeing it, muttering "It's ours, my precious, and we wants it," under her breath.

Now there's a fic for you. The ladies' gold medal is forged from the One Ring. Let the free-for-all begin.

In other news, the week has been kind of bleh. Been sickish through most of it and then didn't really get any sleep last night. The apartment is fantabulous, now that the downstairs bathroom has a curtain and we are no longer mooning/sunning the neighbors. The upstairs bathroom, though, is a different story. Ask Sheldon, who wound up waving to the family across the street as he was taking a piss, or the family across the street, who saw me in my birthday suit when I went to take a shower one morning. I have since realized that the trick is to climb into the shower, close the curtain, and then take your clothes off. By the time you get out of the shower, the windows are all fogged up. Everybody wins.

Quinn has given me the gift of RENT. I am counting down the hours until I get to torture him by making him watch it with me. He will learn it all, dammit. Then we can make beautiful music by having an apartment-wide-and-also-Woody RENT singalong. It will be lovely, and very La Vie Boheme-ish.

School is alright. I feel like I'm not in school at all because I don't have any study-intensive classes. Creative writing, poetry, history, French, and watercolors, for god's sake. I've become adept at making myself go to class, though. At least they're fun classes; however, I feel that if I'm not taking harder classes that require some angst and elbow grease on my part, that it's almost not worth it. Bah.

My creative writing professor recommended me for a scholarship at the New York State Summer Writers Institute at Skidmore College. I just got the information today, and it's kind of overwhelming. I'd like to try for it, but I don't really think I've got a shot in hell and since money is kind of tight, I'd rather not waste the $35 application fee. Just looking up the school was kind of intimidating, if only from a financial standpoint- the place totals to $41,000 per year, although room and board is included in that. But still. Forty grand is a whole degree at SU.

It's kind of got me depressed. I'm starting to realize that I've got to make a descision about what to do with my life. I think I'm closer to jumping over the CRJ fence as opposed to sitting on it, now. The odd thing is that when I talked it over with my parents, they were relieved by my descision not to do it. Quinn doesn't really voice an opinion on the matter other than the standard, "You should write. You're really good at writing." I, however, am interested in making a living, and doing exciting things. Ultimately winding up an English teacher doesn't really appeal to me.

So, here's what I'm looking at. Figuring that I can do writing on the side, if and when the mood strikes me, and let that go where it will without counting on it.

Plan A: Major in Egyptology/Biological Anthropology. Because I've always wanted to be an Egyptologist, working in a museum appeals to me, Egypt is warm, I'd get to hang around with dead people and their skeletons, and it would be fairly easy to switch to forenseic anthropolgy and work in law enforcement if I so chose.

Plan B: Major in European History/Art History, specialize in Medieval Art and the Crusades, get a Master's in reconstruction of textiles from NYU and carry on with my plan to take over the directorship of The Cloisters or [insert random art museum in a major city here.]

Plan C: Say fuck it and become a librarian. Then be proud of it.

Plan D: Give up on academia entirely and get my scuba diving certifications. Somehow get a job at Weeki Wachee Springs in Florida working as a mermaid. Seduce and marry some rich old guy and spend the remainder of my years getting too tan and wearing gaudy jewelry. Towards the end of my life become an eccentric recluse, kind of a crossover between that lady in Great Expectations and Grissom. Die. Leave all my money to my pet kittens Isildur and Dim Sum.

Either way, I've got to start applying to places soon. I've got about a semester left after this one before I graduate. After that, I might take a semester off so I can start the following fall. Or not. Maybe I'll just bite the bullet and start in the spring, but that really puts a crunch on the time. Goddamn it. *bangs head into table*

Maybe Dad will lend me $35? And I'd better write something. Oh, shit, this is pointless. Hope is a cruel, cruel disease.

Oh. Another recent highlight is that Quinn drew me as a zombie. It came out fucking awesome. Will try to post it at some point. Whee!
nirix5: (me!)
I thought I had a biology test yesterday, but I didn't. Kind of disappointing, considering the fact that I actually studied for it. Bah. Guess I'll just study some more and keep perpetually on the edge of my seat until I take it.

I came to two very important decisions last night, standing in a crowded bathroom after class; that just seems to lend the whole thing more weight, somehow. Like, I've just made a few potentially life-altering choices, and that person was peeing while I did it.

Firstly, I've decided to leave my teeth the way they are. My plans for braces are out the window. Financially it didn't make much sense, not at this point. I'm not going to have seven or eight grand to spend anytime in the next five or six years, so fuck it.

Secondly, I'm going to start dancing again. Really training, too, not the half-assed pansy shit that I've been calling dancing for the last three years. Honestly, I don't care if I ever perform with a company, but I'm going to train like I'm planning on it. This is mostly for the benefit of my sanity. There has to be something to balance the calculus out. The jury's still out on skating, however. I miss it horribly- even been dreaming about it lately, which is never a good sign- but I can't go back. Not yet. Maybe if there was a rink where I didn't know anyone, and could just start over, it would be different. I might start again when I move to New York.

Speaking of which, I'm going down over Columbus Day Weekend (barring emergencies and stupidity.) While I'm there, my advisor told me I should make appointments at Pace and John Jay for the whole "hi-I-want-to-transfer-to-your-school-what-do-I-need-to-do" thing. So... yay?

Yay. Hell yeah, yay. It's Friday, and I have the afternoon off. I hope you guys all have nice weekends!


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