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I now have sixteen songs written, not counting unfinished lyrics. Go me. Now all I need is some music to go with them, and it'd be all set. Anna's got the music for Kamikaze, and Kate's helping me out with Ice (aka Song for Eowyn) and hopefully we can get something done with that this weekend. As for the rest of it, I've got certain people I want to help arrange certain songs. Those of you reading this, call/write me and we'll talk.

Ice (Song for Eowyn)- Kate
This Time It's War- Dad
You Can Be My Goodbye- Kate
Leaving- Mark
Hey Rapunzel- Dad
Song of the Lions (Waiting So Long)- Dad
Kamikaze- Anna
Just Another Pop Song- Dad
Glass Houses- Anna/Kate
Disenchanted Angel- Anna
Breakaway- Anna
Black Phoenix- Anna/Kate
Anthem #3 (Wrong Girl)- Anna
Stained Glass Window- Kate
Fool Like Me- Dad

I feel better now that I've written that down.

I've joined the Tolkien_Elves group with Kate. This should be...interesting. I might make it my mission in life to tell Legolas that he has split ends. Maybe not, it's all still up in the air as of yet.
nirix5: (Default)
I must be a horrible person. I must be a very bad friend. A good person would support their friends and everything they do.

So... Why am I not at the musical?

Oh yeah- because I don't feel like it! Ha ha!

Kate's over there playing violin and Tom's got a lead or something. I'm just going to go to the matinee tomorrow. Hopefully I can sit through it- God knows I'm not the biggest Broadway fan (a heinous understatment.) I wish just once that they'd do a play instead of a musical- just so they can see that there are people who can act even if they can't sing. Oh well. My wish will never be granted- not in this town, anyway.

It's wonderfully windy outside. If it wasn't so cold I'd be out there living it up.

Talked to Zoi-chan for a little while last night. Also added her to my friends list- go me! We're gonna get together this summer (right Zoi?) in between filming and horseback riding.

Must talk to Kate and Anna about having headshots done.

I had another weird dream last night. I'm not going to write it up in here, though, due to graphic content. Kate was helping me to analyze it before. She's staying here for the weekend so she doesn't have to go back and forth with three shows to do. I like having her here. We're going to watch the Quiet Man later, and then maybe the Matrix, so we can see Elrond :D and wonder if he's crossing his eyes behind those shades.

-> ___ <- (legolas) "You have my bow!" LMAO Kate!

My dad's waiting for a phone call, and he just told me NOW, so I have to get off :: pout :: Hell. HELL. Damn, I miss JC. HELL!

Which reminds me I should call Alta and Tamara. I want my skates back, dammit. I'm going to go write the sequel to Blood and Rain now.

Cool quote of the day:

"Eternity is a mere instant if you still love me, but an unending torment if everything has changed."
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Ice storm today. Slipped while taking the garbage out- luckily the snow broke my fall, but my pants got all wet, and I had to go in and change. In other news, almost got in a car accident a few times going about town for work, without getting much accomplished. BUT- put three checks in the bank today (good thing.) On the downside dad is not letting me take time off to go to Jersey. I guess I'll just have to go on the weekends for a while. Phooey.

I'm wearing my Yankees cap backwards right now. I'm not quite sure why, but it feels appropriate somehow. I feel all tough-girl and stuff. "Girls kick ass. Says so on a t-shirt."
Took Anna's band quiz- here's the result:

click to take it!

Here's the result with the answers changed:

click to take it!

... because we all know that my personal stylist dresses me in Dolce&Gabbana every morning.

Uploaded "Blood and Rain" on ff.n. If I don't get any reviews the readers will feel my wrath. I will hunt them all down make them eat their own brains. In a lemon-pepper sauce. With a slightly fruity white wine.

I should read "Hannibal" again.
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Justin is being such a prick. He’s pissing me off. Why am I still talking to him? Why don’t I go to bed like a good girl?

Because I’m fucking mad, that’s why.

Not mad at anything in particular. Just mad. Thank you, Short Shit.

And he’s surprised that I’m acting aggressive. I’ve been aggressive my whole life, I’ve just given up on hiding it. I can be aggressive if I fucking want to. If I want to climb on roofs at night and hit a punching bag, I can.

“Where’s that calm wisdom I’ve grown to know and love?”

What, do I have to be the calm, logical, wisdom-and-advice-giving one all the time? Galadriel who never gets aggressive? Arwen who’s sweet? Because I’ve got brown hair and light eyes and unnaturally pale skin? Fuck that. So I look like an unusually tall, delicate fourteen year old. I’m not.

So fuck anyone who thinks that that's who I am or who I have to be. There's a "kamikaze" in front of the "angel" for a reason.


Jan. 24th, 2002 10:19 pm
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I'm getting kind of tired now, so I think I'll go to bed soon. I don't really want to get off, but I have nothing to do on here.

Okay. The quizzes were cool, although the Galadriel one was unexpected and kind of hit the nail on the head, which was unnerving.

I wish it was warmer out. I'd go for a walk or something. I think I'll go visit Nana soon. It's time to go to the cemetery, too. But all the same I wish I could go for a walk someplace. It's definetly a nightrider night. Times like this I miss the canals and Arizona's balmy weather. Perfect for night runs.

Dead Elves

Jan. 23rd, 2002 08:16 pm
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You see that pic? That's Arwen dying in the third movie. I love that still shot. That's the only time I'll ever relate to Arwen, cause I have a picture of me looking just like that, from when my hair was that long. My mom took it when I was asleep under the tree in the back, and it looks just like that.

I've calmed down now. I'm still very happy though- suddenly the pieces fell into place, and I understand alot of things better now.

Some profound lyrics:

O môr henion i dhû
Ely siriar, êl síla
Ai! Aníron Undomiel

Tiro! Êl eria e môr
I'lir en êl luitha 'uren.
Ai! Aníron...

From darkness I understand
the night dreams flow, a star shines
Ah! desire Evenstar

Look! A star rises out of the darkness
The song of the star enchants my heart
Ah! I desire...

I want this song played at my wedding. If I ever decide to marry. I used to say I'd never marry, but now I'm not so sure. As it stands today, though, I'll hold to my old views.
nirix5: (Default)
I've decided I'm addicted to writing in this journal. It feels good to get my thoughts out where I can see them, though.

Things I am addicted to:

LOTR (sadly)
the ocean
this journal
crotch rockets ;D
Vin Deisel
Swedish Fish
my pointe shoes
the South Side*

There's probably more, but...

* yeah. I love the South Side. I can't help it, I don't care if it's the ghetto or not. There's so much more life there, so to speak. Emotion is more raw, for lack of a better word. The people are more passionate about life. Money really dulls the edge sometimes, if you get my meaning.


Jan. 23rd, 2002 09:43 am
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I just wrote about my dream. Dur. I have to go to work as soon as dad's out of the shower.

I like NutriGrain Bars. I like to rip them out of the wrappings and devour them.

I like this song I'm listening to. It's the Dark Angel theme. "Hey, you're kinda cute." BAM.

I added three people to my friends list. kenope, spiritualized, and rachel_rosie.

The characters for the new fic are as follows: Me- Rider of Rohan, Jeannette- Rider of Rohan, Anna- dwarven princess (I'm using the Xanth philosophy: the men of the species are ugly, but the women are very beautiful, just short,) Kate- elf girl (one of Galadriel's handmaidens,) Alta- a Fire Mage of the Haradim (who left her people for the North,) Tamara- hobbit, Kelsey- hobbit. Biff and Maurice are in it too, Biff as a solider of Gondor and Maurice as Alta's best friend and companion. I think I like doing character development more than actually writing the story.

I can't get the damn computer to burn CD's.

I got a pic of Arwen dying in Lothlorien. It's pretty cool, and I want to upload it as my default pic, but I have to mess with it a little first.

People keep telling me how Arwenish I am, but I'm not! I like the pic, yeah, but that's about it. I am so not that character. In fact I don't think I'm any character from this series. The closest I come is Eowyn. And she's a blonde.

I feel like getting into a fight. I want to beat the snot out of someone, in a bad way. I hate when this happens. I get all restless and upset, and I always wind up whining about "why did I have to be born *here*, where there are no orcs to kill, no quests to take, no thread to burn, no government agents coming after me to kill me so I can kill them first?"

-_- sigh.

Well, work calls, I guess. Fun fun fun!

* bites a NutriGrain Bar in half *


Dec. 29th, 2001 11:52 pm
nirix5: (Default)
Wow. I've been online for about two weeks now and I still havent' gotten into the habit of updating this every day. Go figure.

I'm going to New York tomorrow. We'll see how that goes. I'm not gonna be in the city for New Years, but it should be fun fun fun anyway.

I really love this song. I tell people every so often that when I fall in love I want it to be like this song, but I don't think they understand what I'm talking about.

I have some new song lyrics that my dad's gonna do some arrangements for. Then I start working with Mark in January, and I get to record and stuff. Who knows where it'll lead, but it'll be nice to hear my own voice for once (without the influence of alcohol.)

I'm gonna go to bed soon. It's been a long day, and I've got a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I'll write more when I get down there I guess. I've been on the stupid computer for the past six hours working on stories and song lyrics, and my eyes are starting to pixelate.


Back Again

Dec. 2nd, 2001 02:23 pm
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okay. that last entry was too random. i need to get some more crap out and that just didn't cut it.

i'm kind of fed up with people right now. the only people i hang out with consistantly are tom, spike and alicia, and not even alicia that much now that our schedules are so busy. arrrg.

i'm fucking sick of broadway music. this stupid little backwater excuse for a town is, in a word, obsessed with it. it's like they don't realize that there are other styles to sing... it's soooo aggrevating. i want to sing gospel, damn it. but no, it's broadway or bust.

this has been a bad week. i've been having nightmares lately but this week i've had the worst since september. i can't stand this anymore- if i don't get some uninterrupted sleep i'm going to lose my mind.

on a lighter note, i went to the mall yesterday to get some new pants. i saw tons of stuff i wanted but who's got the money? i need to worry about lessons and stuff before frivolus crap that i can't even fit into anyway. arrrg.

i'm going to start making my own clothes, cool looking ones for girls with a woman's shape (to hell with the anorexic ten year old boy heroin chic look. to fucking hell with it.)

Which Evil Criminal are You?

this was funny.

"Hailing from sunny Transylvania, your first blood-related incident was when you stabbed a servant girl in the face with a pair of scissors for underperforming. Some of the red spray landed on your hands, and as you washed it off, you noticed that it left your skin fresh and young looking. From then on you were convinced that the blood of young girls was the secret to eternal youth.

Rather than killing girls outright by stabbing them or slitting their throats, you enjoy torturing them for weeks on end by pricking them with needles or prodding with sharp spikes - all to bathe in their blood. You've killed over six hundred women, all without raising a peep from the authorities."

maybe i'll go kill someone. maybe i won't. i need a new purpose. right now i write song lyrics and veg. i haven't written any fiction since It went down.

what's up with my head? all i want to do lately is beat people up or nothing. maybe i should go see a therapist.
nirix5: (Default)
I've been home for 2 weeks.
I saw Anna and The Haskins and Devlin...
lol, that's just like romper room.
i used to love that show.
i'm in a band
i play bass
i suck at it now but i'm gonna practice an hour a day. give me a month, i say, and then i won't suck so bad.
i haven't written on this thing in a while.

i think i should have something intelligent and insightful to say. but i don't... right now i'm in fuck the world mode. go figure. i'm getting really fed up with choir- xmas is supposed to be all happy and stuff, and we're singing about the doom and gloom and endless anguish of bethlehem. (?)

jeter was on snl last night.
i love jeter.
jeter's a biscuit...
*evil giggle*

lance is still my ho. not even jeter can change that.
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up at four this morning to go watch the meteor shower. ugh, although it was incredible. we saw 2 ufo's and for awhile there it seemed as if we were in the beginning of an X files episode. me and james heard someone breathing but there was no one there. i have to wake him up so i can get my cd's and he can look at my photo albums of arizona. (i'm the only one up.) then i leave for the train station at nine and it's all downhill from there.
funny thing-
james: i think that star is hitting on me.
me: i think that tree is hitting on you.
james: i knew the tree was hitting on me.
me: you were aware of its oh-so-subtle advances?
james: of course. it'll take it a thousand years to get over here, but when it does, it'll spank me.

james looks eerily like the classical jesus. it's classic.

i took ayako chan's disease quiz. it was funny.

Take the Affliction Test Today!

"Transmitted by direct contact with one of your infections (usually through unprotected sex), you're one nasty STD! In your initial stages, you cause sores, usually on the genitals or in the rectum, but that's only the delicious beginning. Later on, you'll cause a rash, and then slip away ... but you won't be gone. No no, my friend. You're far too cunning.

You'll still pass yourself on to anyone the poor soul you've infected has sex with (anal, vaginal or oral), and you'll start to erode their muscles and nerves! In fact, you'll eventually lead, if left untreated, to malcoordination, blindness, paralysis, dementia and then death!

And that's not all - if you infect a pregnant women, you'll also be passed to their child! A single shot of penicillin will kill you, but shhhhh .. I won't tell anyone if you won't."

nirix5: (Default)
Today has been officially the third time my birthday has been celebrated this year. I turn nineteen on the twenty third, but since no one's ever around I've been celebrating where I am. Tamara made me a cake on September 25, since the 23 is Danica's birthday and it would get confusing. My grandmother made me a cake when we went over today, but it was a joint cake with her dog, Zelda, who had turned two yesterday. We sang happy birthday to the dog first and then me, and then the Hanlys took me out to dinner for my birthday, which was lovely. They put a candle in my dessert and sang to me again, sans references to the dog this time. They gave me an Nsync single with forty dollars inside (!)
One of Nana's finches, Dudley Doright, died the other day. Lovely Lita is all sad now and dying, too. It was all sad and touching until we found out (while eating) that my grandmother didn't know what to do w/ Dudley so she shoved him into a drawer in the sideboard. I think she's got a thing for putting dead animals in the sideboard. She had one of my aunt Doris's dog's ashes there for a number of years. Then she told us how she found a porcupine sawed in half in a cord of firewood. Ugh! I'm going to miss her when I'm home though. (Nana, not the dead animal.) And the Hanlys too. Arrg.
We're getting up super early to watch the meteor shower. I'll probably have three hours of sleep. Not like I've never done it before, though, so I'm not trippin.
I have to go home tomorrow. It would be alot more fun if I didn't have to lug my stupid duffel bag through the subways or if I had someplace to put it so I could walk around a little without having to carry it. Oh well. Home again, home again, jiggity jig. lol.
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(The events of this day were so momentous I felt that I needed to write them down. Here goes nothing.)

I have been thinking on the whole train ride home how to start this off. I could start it w/ the 911 attack thing but I don't think I will. Suffice it to say that it was hell. Alot of people don't realize how affected I was by it or why it affected me the way it did. That's okay. It's a pretty tough thing to understand unless you have some kind of personal connection to it. I know a few people have been worried about the way I've been acting, but it's officially post traumatic stress disorder, so I guess I have a reason. For the past two months I haven't been myself. Between crying jags, bouts of hysterical laughter, a tendancy to sleep at the drop of a hat and an inexplicable urge to beat the living shit out of anyone, it's been pretty normal. Anyway, this week I've been in New Jersey, spending time with my family who's just as messed up over the whole thing as I am. So there's the background.

Today my aunt Sean and I went into the city for the first time. We were supposed to go Wednesday, then Thursday, but she was nervous and kept putting it off. Not that I blame her. We were talking about it last night and uncle Kevin said not to go downtown, she'd be a basket case for two months and if you got down wind the smell was beyond horrible, which only made her more nervous.

This morning we caught the train (whichever the one after the 10:10 was) into NY. We were actually joking a little about going to G.0 and throwing up or crying. She asked me what to do first, go shopping in Chinatown and Little Italy or go downtown.

"Well," I said, "We can either go downtown, throw up, and ruin the rest of the day, or we can go shopping, go later, throw up, and ruin the rest of our night." She laughed, and we joked about buying personal buckets. You know, I find it kind of helps to joke around a little. That and we're two crazy ducks.

She called her friend Toni who lives on Pearl St., thinking that maybe we could hook up with her, but she had to go to a wake or something :(.

The train pulled into Penn, and we got off, got subway tokens, bought a nice bouquet of flowers and headed downtown. The train we took was the one I took to Brooklyn by accident last time (lol.) We got off at a Wall St. station that was really nice, all Arabian Nights-looking, that neither of us had been in before. We walked out onto Pine St, aunt Sean telling me all things like “I used to work in this building” and all these different stories, which was cool. We found a little Catholic church, went in, looked around and said a prayer. Then she showed me the outside of the NYSE, which was cool, we got to see all the floor people in their blue jackets smoking cigarettes and looking all sorts of blasé. From there we went over to Trinity, went in and lit some candles and said some more prayers. Then we left and started to walk up the street.

The next street was bad. We could see the one remaining wall of the tower, and giant cranes with the American flag attached. We started exchanging stories with a cop, who was from Queens and volunteers there three days a week. I guess they put all the nice cops where the people are, so they can talk and answer questions and stuff. We stood there for awhile, looking at the memorials and wreckage. There was a horrible sadness there. And it did smell pretty bad, kind of like the ruins in B’ville- the same acrid stench that burns your nose.

There were all these tourists there, taking pictures. Ghouls, all of them. I wonder how they would feel if I went into one of their family funerals and started laughing and chatting and snapping my camera?

We went down to Dey St. and that was where it was the worst. You could get right in close, and actually see the droplets of water they were spraying on the remains of a building to keep the dust down. The whole thing was blown out, and it was brutal to watch the wrecking ball hit. I was crying for a little while, but I stopped after I was able to move closer. We got all the way up to the barricades. I got a little dizzy and I guess it showed, cause someone behind me kind of pushed my shoulder and steadied me. (Thanx, whoever you are, if you read this.) I was standing behind my aunt, and I looked over to my right, and I saw this sad little bush in a planter. All the soil around it was dry and it was all broken. Somehow this mad me very very sad, so I poured my bottle of water in to water it. Then I felt better. (Yes, I am fully aware that this is mostly sentence fragments and run on sentences, but I don’t give a damn.)

When we got to the top of the street we were accosted by people from a prayer station. I had seen one walking down the street and thought it very odd. These people talk to you and pray for you, which I thought was very nice of them, although it was a little disconcerting. John and Chad prayed for us, and we found out they’re from Sacramento. (Hi guys, if you read this.)

We went down to another section then, and we stood there for awhile. Aunt Sean was fascinated by a slow moving squirrel. I was holding the flowers, and we decided to find a fireman to take them as close to the site as possible for us. We saw seven or so NYFD go through, but couldn’t get a hold of them to ask, so finally we asked a construction worker to take them in for us. We told him how our cousin was a fireman who died there, and could you please find a fireman and ask him or her to take this as close as possible, etc. It was eerie; as we were speaking a crowd of tourists gathered around to watch and listen. Some lady took my picture, and that pissed me off. Grrr.

Mission accomplished, we started walking again, looking at more memorials and signing a couple of them. St. Paul’s was closed to the public but there was a giant sign that said “Foot Care” and it was somehow very funny to us. It felt good to laugh at something so dumb, even if it really isn’t a dumb thing.

From there we walked over to Pearl St.

Aunt Sean: That’s Toni’s building.

“ “ : No, it’s that one.

“ “ : No, it’s that one over there.

I think we finally found her building but I’m not sure. Anyway we went left and walked under the Brooklyn Bridge into Chinatown. (You know I’ve never walked under there before? Crazy, huh.)

Chinatown was fun, a lot more so than we expected because we were actually feeling better about the whole Thing. Closure or something, I don’t know. We went to Mr. Tang’s for lunch, which is a great American-Chinese restaurant there. Then we went shopping. I saw a big Nsync poster- hee hee! We bought lots of stuff. Here’s some inventory.

1 pork bun (me)
1 black bean cake (me- although the lady had to check with her boss before she gave it to me cause it was a special wedding cake or something, it had a heart on it)
1 name painting (me- “feather” spelled in birds and a panda)
1 name painting (Sean- for Alex)
1 necklace (me- for Kelsey)
2 fans (sandalwood, me and Sean)
1 funny skullcap (for James)
1 box of almond cookies, egg custards, pork buns 4 ea. (Sean)
Lots of funny candy (both of us. I tried to get her to try the dried fried squid candy but she wouldn’t.)

Then we walked to Mulberry St. and went to Ferrara’s Bakery. I’ve been trying to find it for years * grumble * but never could cause I only knew what the inside looked like and I didn’t know the name. We got cakes and coffee. Sinful, but wonderful. Then we went to this cheese store, De Paulo’s, on the corner. I got Provolone for my dad cause he bitches about not getting good stuff in CNY. Maybe this’ll shut him up. They guys said “Is that fine and enough?” or something to me in Italian and I told him I really couldn’t remember any Italian, since I haven’t spoken it since I was little. He yelled at me and said it’s like driving a car, you never forget it! You’re just rusty! LMAO I hope he’s right. He was a nice guy. I told him Grazie, ciao, and we left.

We went to another little bakery were I got my beloved tri colored cakes and a marzipan tomato (!) and then we went to yet another church.

This was a Franciscan church and it was so incredibly Italian. I fell in love with it. Statues and electronic candles all over the place! It was dope, if a church can be described as such. I found a St. Dymphna* medal (!!!) and I got a purple rosary. A. Sean wanted one too, but they only had one purple, no St. John medals, and she had to settle for pink. We decided that Nov. 16th would be Rosary day and we’ll just switch every year. This year I get purple and she has pink, next year I’ll have pink and she’ll get the purple, so on and so forth. I’m turning Roman Catholic, I tell you. Lol.

(* St. Dymphna is the patron saint of lunatics and my confirmation/patron saint. She’s not well known so I was excited to find this medal.)

Basically after that we went home. I left a lot of the jokes and stuff out of this because it’s late and I’m tired and I have to go to my grandmother’s house in a few hours. Here’s a snynopsis.

“The ducks are stepping in grace? What?!?”…“Caketh! Delectable caketh!”… “Rawr!”… “I’m so dizzy!”… “Will Lance approve?!?!?”… “That guy who looks like Joey is staring at my ass!”
and of course,
You can ask Aunt Sean about that one. * wink *

Oh yeah, and we bought flashing religious pictures outside of Penn Station. A. Sean got a flashing Last Supper and I got a flashing Our Lady of Fatima. LMAO, it’s classic.

But you know what’s great? I’m going to be okay now. The only way to go from here is up- I feel better already, just because the sky is blue and there’s still pigeons to chase. Aunt Sean feels better too, and she’s no more a basket case than usual :) . God bless American and all that. And to hell with stupid songs. Okay, have you had enough yet? Lol… I have. Night all.


Nov. 15th, 2001 08:51 pm
nirix5: (Default)
Some random thoughts.

lance is my ho.
i changed my name again.
i need ten thousand dollars for the kawasaki ninja zzr1200.
i want one of those bikes BAD.
i have a leather tank top.
maybe i'll wear it tomorrow.
i wonder what tamara's doing right now.
i was listening to the o brother where art thou soundtrack and it reminded me of her.
i wonder if alta would laugh at me if i did my version of the c walk.
she probably would.
she definately would.
did i spell that right?
i don't think so.
boys- can't live with em, can't live without em.
alex has the pants that i want.
she got them at delia's.
i must make a trip to delia's.
paul walker is a biscuit. so's vin deisel
did i spell that right? probably not.
i'm going to start a revolution.
but for now the plan is secret...
... mua ha ha.
enough. pizza and dasani calls.
nirix5: (Default)
Arrrgh. Between talking to my parents and stuffs, I think I'm gonna go bang my head into the wall. I need some new pants. Cool ones. Days like this I wish I had a motorcycle. I think that my immediate family fell out of the stupid tree. Lance fell out of the sexxxy tree and hit every branch on the way down, some of them twice.

Shoutout to my mijas Alta and Tamara: "What happens when you fall out of the stupid tree?"



Nov. 15th, 2001 05:17 pm
nirix5: (Default)
wow, coolness, aya-chan got me on here! yay! coconuts. BAM! kick it up a notch. i'm going to the city tomorrow, yippie. i hope i knock juju into a building. i hope i see him so i can throw a tomato at his big misshapen head. or not. i dunno.


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