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It's just one of those nights that I could really use twelve hundred cc's of raw power between my legs. You know?

I miss the desert.

I miss the way the sun would set over Phoenix. I miss the highways where no one drives under seventy, and I can't wait to hit them on a motorcycle. I miss seeing the fire mountain with all its cell and radio towers, and how heading in that direction meant that you were heading towards home. I miss watching the cars go screaming by from the top of the sound barrier.

I feel like I could fly right now, but somewhere along the line I misplaced my wings.

This song is NOT helping.

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb
without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back

wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become

now that i know what i'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become
bring me to life

frozen inside
without your touch
without your love darling
only you are the life
among the dead

all this time i can't believe i couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
i've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

nirix5: (Default)
Physical appearance :

What do you most like about your body – my eyes
And least - my teeth
How many fillings do you have – zero.
Do you think you're good looking – I have yet to break a mirror when I look into one.
Do other people – some people tell me so.
What do you sound like – I have a very slight Staten Island accent that gets stronger when I’m with my family, but sometimes people tell me I sound English. O_o

Fashion :

Do you wear a watch – nope
How many coats and jackets do you own - three
favorite pants/skirt color – lace up blue jeans
Favorite top/shirt color – gray snap shirt, that HAS A HOLE IN IT!!! *cries*
Most expensive item of clothing – that I wear: my brown suede pants. That I have: a six hundred dollar beaded jacket that Aunt Camilla gave to me.
Most treasured – frayed cargo pants
Boots or shoes - boots
Scruffy or smart - scruffy

Your personality (general) :

Extrovert or introvert – introvert, mostly, except when I start to babble and can’t stop.
Are you confident - *shrug* I guess so.
Do you like yourself – I haven’t killed myself yet, what do you think?
Are you popular – in some circles
Are you good academically – when I’m interested
What do you have a really good knowledge of – figure skating, bridal fashion, dance, and fashion history.
Are you good at games which rely on intellect – not really.
Fictional character you are most like – Francie from “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn”
Things friends say to you the most – all kinds of things.
Can you speak another language – French, learning latin and soon Russian and Italian.

Your personality (specific) :

Are you moody – Not any more than anyone else is.
Use three words to describe what you feel inside – right now? Blue, headachy, and hungry.
Do people know how you feel – not sure.
what would you change about your personality – to be less of a hermit. Or, to want to be less of a hermit.
What drives you - impulse
Worst fault - procrastination

Your friends :

Do your friends know you – they know enough
What do they tend to be like – awesome
Are there traits in you that are universally liked – good listener
Few friends or many acquaintances - both
Can you count on them - yes
Can they count on you - yes

Music/TV/Film/Books :

Favorite bands ever – bruce springsteen, semisonic, nsync, paul simon, savage garden, alicia keys, dispatch; the list goes on and on.
Can you play an instrument – I like to fiddle around on the harp, piano, and bass guitar. This does not mean that I don’t suck, however.
Type of music listened to – anything but country
Type never listened to - country
Books – Dragonriders of Pern, A Winter’s Tale, Memoirs of a Geisha, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Films – Last of the Mohicans, LOTR, 1941, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Chocolat, Fight Club, etc.
Tv Shows: CSI, Without A Trace, Dark Angel, SNL, and- although I’m ashamed to admit it- Joe Millionaire.

I don’t know why I keep filling these things out, except that I get some kind of a weird kick out of them. Whoop de fucking do. My tooth hurts where it’s coming in.

Got an email from Jonelle this morning. She doesn’t hate me! She loves me even though I don’t talk to her all the time! *dances for joy* “Great to hear from you Heather. I always have faith that you’ll surface eventually.” *dances some more*
nirix5: (Default)
Anyway. I've been slogging through paperwork for the past couple of days, to the exclusion of almost everything else. I feel bad about that, cause I told Ben I would call him back and I didn't. So I will later. At least the mail is all sorted- although now I have more receipts to go through. (And I never could spell that, so.)

Lookit! [ profile] northfallenstar made my new icon. WOO!!! Cause my Light loves me, yes preciousss. Sweetie, I hope your grandmother feels better. I tried to leave a comment in your journal, but my computer likes fucking up way too much to work properly. :$

I have to call people. I HAVE TO. Now that the phone situation is all straightened out. I have to call Joe- I actually stopped by his house when I was downtown a week or so ago, but I didn't know how to get into his building. It occured to me that I didn't know his number, so I couldn't use the call box, and I couldn't remember his cell of the top of my head. I am such a slug. So, will call him. Yes.

I got an email from JDawg! He wants me to help him with the backstory on a gothic-neopets site he's working on. Yayness. I miss him so much. Good times, good times. Won't call him, but will call Alta as have not talked to her in forever and a day. Hmmm.

Biker movie opens tomorrow (I think.) Solid crotch rocket action, yo. Guess where I'm gonna be? Heh heh heh.

Still no bike. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Not that it matters that much- the roads are still really shitty.

When I was going through the mail from school, I came across a tourist-y guide to Tempe. It was really cool, going through and looking at all the pictures and actually recognizing them, but it made me horribly homesick for Arizona. Especially one of the sun setting over Phoenix, taken from the top of A Mountain on the ASU campus. I can't live there year round, since I need maple trees and stuff, but I miss it more than anything.

Sometimes I really don't understand myself.

Anna, good luck with your auditions! I hope you get a great part. You will. (Although it occurs to me that this is somewhat belated. Je regrette.)

Tom, I called you but you weren't there. But I did call you back. Thanks for the message, btw.
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At work today Carol was all like, "Donna had all the donuts done by five thirty, and her cleanup was done at six."

You know what?


My back really hurts- it feels like it needs to be cracked, but I can't twist the right way without a sharp pain. Owie. Well, on with it.

I want to go to New York next weekend, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to pull it off. Moneymoneymoney- I'd have enough, but it would be barely enough. It isn't being there that's so expensive, it's the transportation. Spending a hundred and twenty dollars on a bus ticket for a lousy two days just does not seem worth it to me. Maybe around Christmas time.

Half of me can't wait for Christmas to get here- my favorite part of the year is from Thanksgiving to Christmas-but the other half doesn't give a shit. It's spending alot of money that I don't have and way too much angst to handle.

We always get Chinese food on Christmas. It's a tradition that started a few years ago cause Dad was working too late on Christmas Eve and was too late to go get a turkey. That was a fucked up, miserable situation but we didn't have to do dishes... so we did it next year. But this year I want pizza. I am so sick of Chinese food from Ming's. The funny thing is we always run into Jeannie and her family there on Christmas. (Johanna's mother. o_O)

I need to come out of my shell at some point and talk to people.

Need to email: Tamara, Becca, Alta, Jason, Rafa, Matt.
Need to call: Joe, Maurice, Tom, Aunt Sean.

AIM isn't working and it's pissing me off. That's why I haven't talked to anyone in a while, in addition to sleeping and working.

I know I'm forgetting something. Call Alta. Buy stuffing. Bread, brie, olives.

Fuck. What am I forgetting?

Call Johanna.

Marie Antoinette's full name was Archduchess Maria Antonia Josepha Johanna.

I've been toying with the idea of taking all my friends, making up a couple of new countries, and setting up a monarchy- just so anyone who wants to be royalty (like me, ha ha) can. Actually I got the idea from this site that is devoted to the tiaras of every royal house in the world. INcredible.


So I figured I'd take portrait pics of people, and some "paparazzi" pics, and put them on a website. Maybe confuse the gullible people. Anyone who wants in lemme know what you want to be, or names, or whatever. Sara, you wanna be a duchess, right? :)

I think I've rambled enough for now. I'll ramble more later.

Anyone who read this far gets a gold star.


Nov. 15th, 2002 05:25 pm
nirix5: (Default)
Today was going great. Well if not great, more than decent. I got my paycheck from work and cashed it at Mom's bank. Then I took aside forty dollars or so (carefully bugeted for stuff I needed) and put the rest into my account. Of course, I try to use the card later and the ATM EATS THE DAMN THING, because my business account was overdrawn by seven dollars. And now the whole thing can't be fixed until Monday, and I spent most of the money before all this happened. ARRRRRRRGH.

I can live two days without money. This is no big deal. It's just a pain in the ass because when I DO have money, I have no card TO TAKE IT OUT WITH.

At least I got the stuff I needed.

Maurice called me because he had a dream where he was being attacked by a demon woman. So she beats him up, right, and JC and Johnny and all try to save him, but she kills them. So he's "Oh fuck, I'm dead meat now," and I jump in and save her with my mad sword skills. O_o

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Today last year I stepped off the plane from Arizona.

I miss it very, very much. It was the end of something and the start of something else, which in itself ended.

I took a picture from the overpass as Tamara drove me to the airport. It was of the sun, just coming up over the mountains, tinting the sky a delicate shell pink. I haven't seen it, I don't know if it came out or not. But it's imprinted in my mind forever.

I had been up all night at my going away party- JC got "drunk"; I was rushing around packing last minute things; we went for a ride one last time; Alta cried and wouldn't come to the airport with me. She almost didn't say goodbye. I miss her. I cried too.

I've changed, no doubt about it. Things I wanted for so long I don't want anymore. Wounds I thought would never close did. Time passes. I'm a year older than I was, but only a little bit wiser. That came with a price, but I don't think I would have traded it for anything.

A whole year. Damn.

When it rains it pours, you know?
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Random nostaglia kick:

~ Alta was always telling me to get off the counter.
~ Tamara, Noelle, Brian, whoever else, and I would go to karaoke at Carmen's Bistro, this seedy Italian place in a strip mall up the street. The three of us always sang "Independent Women" and "Goodbye Earl."
~ Jason showing me how to walk in Those Boots. And him and Alta trying to make me into a chola (and failing.)
~ 2AM dance sessions with Becca, who tried to teach me the moves to Thriller.
~ "TWO STEP!!!"
~ Alta hated Mill, but she always wound up driving.
~ Once we got into a fight at a DiamondBacks game.
~ "Feather Nichole, I love your mole!" Alta would always write that on my music.
~ Maurice telling me to get off the walls. Like I was a kid or something.

I'm really homesick for Arizona. It's not the same anymore, everyone's basically left or is leaving... but Alta, Tamara and me had some really good times. My Mijas! Dammit I miss them.

And that's enough of that. Maybe I should get my thoughts together before writing? Yep yep!


Jun. 24th, 2002 11:13 pm
nirix5: (Default)
I feel so... I don't know. Nothing. I missed Joe somehow today- he didn't page me, I hope he's okay- talked to Kate, saw Magoo, and Tom and Jon. Kate's coming out tomorrow- yay!- and I hung out with Jeannette and Benny last night. Jean's party thing at Magoo's is on Thursday. Yeah, so all of a sudden I go from no life to a crazy, in demand social schedule- LOLOL, it's so hysterically funny.

Not laughing. Huh.

Pale September, I wore the time like a dress that year
The autumn days swung soft around me, like cotton on my skin
But as the embers of the summer lost their breath and disappeared
My heart went cold and only hollow rhythms resounded from within

Yeah, something like that, I guess. I hate feeling like this, and sometimes I just give up before pulling myself out of whatever it is and starting everything all over again.

I need to figure out what I want to do with my life, writing a column in Playboy aside. Although I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who would write the phone numbers two three modeling agencies and two convents on the same piece of paper. I should probably stick with the convents. My teeth aren't straight enough for modeling, phooey. Oh well.

I love Alicia Keys's music. I swear to God it's the only thing that gets me through sometimes.

And this song makes me homesick for Arizona. I used to listen to it at Jonelle's all the time- I miss her so much.

"Yeah. We put her in charge of cookies and milk and she still screwed it up."

~ Jonelle on me.


Jun. 12th, 2002 08:07 pm
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Drama. No drama. No fucking drama at all, but I may have a plan- I’ve got one half of a round trip ticket to Phoenix and until September to use it. If I go by plane to Phoenix, I could spend time there and then James and Dan could pick me up when they swing through on their road trip, and there’s my ride back. Muah ha ha, I am beyond brilliant.

I had such strange dreams last night. I woke up mad. I’ve woken up scared, and sad, and happy before, but never as livid as this morning. I’m rarely that mad in waking life. Fucking odd, I tell you.

I had something to say here, but I’ve forgotten it.

I'm feeling kind of upset with myself, just for letting things go to hell. With other people, I mean.

I have all these friends, people I look up to, want to be around, admire and want to emulate, but instead of keeping in touch and actually working on the relationship, I let myself bop in and out of their lives. That makes me a shitty person, right? Well, yeah, it does.

It's not as if I don't think about these people more or less constantly. I do, I just don't do anything about it. And half the time, I don't want to. I don't have the energy to get on AIM and talk to a bazillion people at a time. Or write a ton of letters only to find out I have no stamps, and by the time I get stamps the letters are outdated; which is always the case.

Maybe it has something to do with the way I live, and how I deal with time, which is not the way everyone else does.

And now I'm rambling and I have absolutely no idea what point I was trying to make, except that I love all of my friends, even if I can't keep up with them.


Mar. 27th, 2002 10:53 am
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Yeah, okay, that was random. I feel better now.

I feel like the bottom of a taxi cab right about now. It's cold (although not raining like yesterday, thank god) and overcast, my nose is still running and my hair isn't working.

I guess the worst part of it is I'm stupidly homesick for Arizona. Maybe I shouldn't be listening to my AZMix, but I can't help it. Right now it's warm and sunny and there's flowers all over the place.

It's not really the same anymore, but it is. Alta's still there even though Tamara is gone. Actually everyone but Alta, Maurice, and JC are gone. Phooey. Right now I feel like driving around the valley, bumping O-Town and feeling like a total geek but not caring. Or making bruchietta with Jonelle. Oddly enough I miss Danica.

Arrgh. Am only half looking forward to this weekend.

Oh, Ayako-chan. Have an idea floating around in my head for a dance thing. You have to help me choreograph it, okay? Yeah. Random, I know.

*hits wall*


Mar. 19th, 2002 10:29 pm
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Yeah. Just got off the phone with Alta. Damn it, I miss her! She's been filling me in on all the shit that's been going on in AZ. I was rollin right from the getgo. Tamara doing the hip swoop in a club... Seneca dancing all up on her and backing her right into a all...Maurice's new dish (erp.) I asked her to move to New Zealand with me, and she started rollin too, saying that was a classic Feather Thought if there ever was one. Oh, and the most exciting news of all.

Justin want's to buy one of Mike's songs!!!!

(Justin being Justin Timberlake, and Mike being Becca's boyfriend. Fucking drama. Holy fucking shit. If this had been two months earlier, I might have been screaming my head off- right now I'm like, wow, cool. Okay.)

Why is ff.n being pissy?

Why does my head still hurt? I'm loopy from the green pills and sleep... yeah. Sleep. And stuff.

Have to email people. Aaron (Blain? I wonder how he got that name) JC (my big brother! He remembers! I miss him!) And other people. At least I get to talk to Alta again tomorrow. She's going to send my skates back, dammit. I also get to go to Nelys's concert tomorrow. Am looking forward to it! Bonzai!
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Actually it won't, that's just the name of a song I like. We saw the Joe Pizzarelli Trio concert tonight, and it was DOPE!!! Must go out and buy Joe Pizzarelli CD's. Must must must.

During itermission I got a craving for Entemann's raspberry twist danish, so I started ad-libbing Alicia Keys songs. "How come you don't feed me... anymo-ore?" lol. My mom was cracking up.

Dr. Gross got the tickets for us. He and his wife were supposed to go too, but their daughter got a nosebleed that wouldn't stop so they had to take her to the hospital. I hope she's all right. His son came and gave us our tickets.

Now it's late and I'm going to work on my pastel project for a little bit before I go to bed. Arrgh. Have to email Aaron. Have to call Jen. *bangs head into table* If this is what doing PR is like, I don't want any part of it. Sucks for me, huh. I intensely dislike talking to people sometimes.

Have to email Maurice, Alta, and Becca, too. And reply to Jason. And figure out how to use the Yahoo message board for OFUM. (I'm in a fanfic... Sauron turns my hair orange for siding with Morgoth. This is all Kate's fault, lol.)

I'm in a severe "Missing Arizona" mood. Today is actually the day last year that I went out there... and ran smack into Kevin *swoon* Too bad he's married. He was a cutie. Damn.

Look at how I've changed. Zoicks! Maybe not as drastic as Anna's revolution, but I've changed just the same. I finally got over my fear of singing in front of people, which I suppose could be counted as a plus considering I plan to do something with that.


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Anyone wanna help me figure out the colors, please do. I can't get the damn thing to work.

I'm gonna try to set up the scanner in a few minutes. Wish me luck. If you see a mushroom cloud going up from my general direction, run. Run very fast and don't look back.

I have this craving for an antipasto salad from Munch A Lunch. Unfortunately it's 2000 miles away, and they're not open on Sundays anyway. Phooey.

Am trying once again to download Mya's "Best of Me" remix. The first song I got corrupted to... ah, sweet memories. Must go to Arizona again. Must go street racing. Must must must.

I think I should get some food before my head starts spinning around like a radar dish.

Note to self: get Mousaka recipe from Uncle Kevin.

Also, look up New Zealand stuff... More on that later. *knocks on wood so as not to jinx self or plans*
nirix5: (Default)

I am Akasha, Queen of the Damned! I am all-powerful, timeless and beautiful. I seduced Lestat and made him my prince before I was betrayed in a most untimely passion. All must bow down to me and my grand delusions of world domination!

Wow. What a fun quiz. Best one I've taken so far.

Alta used to call me Claudia and Dracula's Granddaughter. She still does every once in a while, because of my weird eyes/vampire teeth/and the habbit I have of sitting straight up in bed whenever someone walks in the room. She thought I was strange. I don't think so.

From [ profile] xdusketernalx:

Your name of Heather (Yeah, that's my name. Secret's out. Pssh.)

makes you easy-going and refined, but detracts from your physical vitality. (Meaning I'm lazy or something?)

You desire all the finer things in life--lovely clothes, home, furniture, and environment. (True. Not to the exclusion of the important things, though.)

However, procrastination is your worst enemy, and you find yourself lacking the ambition to make your dreams a reality. (Procrastination: yes, lack of ambition: no. Lack of funding maybe.)

People are inclined to take advantage of your sympathetic, tractable nature. You naturally attract people with problems who seek your understanding and advice. You can give good advice although it is unlikely that you would follow it yourself. (Close enough.)

You would be most successful in situations where you can use your skills in diplomacy in handling people, but where you are not under pressure or required to carry responsibility and make decisions. (Yep, they used to call me Keeper of the Peace in high school. And I'm not into descision making. I can't even choose where to go for lunch half the time. Interesting.)

It is difficult for you to be individual and make your own decisions, for you lack self-confidence. (say WHAT?!?!)

Your desire for sweet, rich foods could cause overweight, circulatory problems, or weakness in the kidneys. (I just need to drink more water.)

Close, but not quite. Actually, the entry for Sumiko was more accurate for me. Go figure. I guess there's some difference when you choose the name yourself.

Going to go work on things now.
nirix5: (Default)
Yeah it was all yellow...

Oh man, this song takes me back. I love it to no end. I used to listen to it all the time when I first moved to Arizona. *sigh* I'm going to see if I can work for Jonelle or something for a month or so later in the summer. I don't know. I haven't spoken to her in a while. Gar. She'll probably throw rocks at me.

Working on lyrics for Intoxicated, as inspired by [ profile] xxcelebornxx and his wonderful horse. Also working on the lyrics for Gondor Cowboy... Go me!!!

We're going to eat pizza with Joe soon. Yay pizza, Yay Joe, who is very nice. I don't really know him well but he seems quite cool, as much as Kate made him out to be and more.

I started reading the Simarillion. Jesus, it's like the Bible all over again, confusing names included.


Look at the stars,
look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow

I came along,
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called 'yellow'

So then I took my turn,
oh what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow

Your skin,
oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
You know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so...

I swam across,
I jumped across for you
Oh what a thing to do
Cos you were all yellow

I drew a line,
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

Your skin,
oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
And you know for you I'd bleed myself dry
For you I'd bleed myself dry...

It's true, look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do

It makes me homesick for 121, though. *is sad*

I hope [ profile] xxcelebornxx likes the song I'm writing for him, though. I wonder if I should write some horse back riding lyrics as well? We shall see.
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Just got an email from Tom.

"Kevin Smith, actor, died in Bejing on Feb. 15th. He played Aries on Hercules and Xena. This has been digging up you dead cat with Tom A."

Will someone please tell me what the fuck he's talking about???

Okay. Just emailed Jonelle, Aaron, and Maurice, got that stuff out of the way so maybe I'm not such a horrible corrospondent now. Well, I am, but maybe they won't throw sticks at me the next time I see them. Pssh.

We have to go finish the photo shoot now. It's on to black and white today. La de fucking da.

Woke up this morning with that 1000 Miles song in my head. Went to bed with Hands Clean in my head. What a straaaaaange phenomenon.

Going to work on things while Kate's in the shower. Pssh.


Feb. 20th, 2002 09:42 pm
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Man, Maurice ROYALLY pissed off Alta. He didn't go see her mom while she was in town, when he said he would. Blew her off to do laundry (bad move) and to wait for his mom to call because his sister was having surgery (I can understand that.) Anyway, she's not speaking to him now. This is gonna be fuuuuun...(insert dripping sarcasm here.)

I have to get Justin's number. Bloody Hell. I hope he's on.
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This music reminds me of Cali and Phoenix. More specifically, Track 5 reminds me of Cali (because of the concert and whatnot) and Get Over Yourself is Phoenix, cause Alta and I used to bump it in the car for shits and giggles, along with Liquid Dreams- possibly the worst song ever recorded, but funny nonetheless.

It's chilly and overcast. I miss Phoenix on days like these.

I CAN NOT WAIT till this weekend. I haven't been dancing in so long that I'm going out of my mind. CAN'T WAIT CAN'T WAIT CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

Told Kate about my crazy idea, Girls in Leather Who Throw Themselves At Elves. Unfortunately, the elf I want doesn't exist, at least not that I know of. Glorfindel, if you're out there somewhere, I'm waiting for you love... :: sigh ::

Chocolate milkshakes rock.

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Took the afternoon off today due to a sinus headache. Arrgh. Having NyQuil in your system is eerily like being drunk, for me anyway. I slept from twelve-thirty till five, when Josh called. We were supposed to go see a movie- he’s just calling me now, and now I don’t know if my parents will drive me out to Carousel. Of course it turns out it’s all Steve’s fault, because he wanted to drag Josh all over the place. Now we’re going tomorrow at some point- probably when Kate’s out with her friend, cause he’s leaving on Sunday and won’t be back till next month. Damn. Damn damn damn.

I miss New York. Staten Island, more specifically. I don’t care how much of a dump it is, or how it’s gone to shit over the years. Every time I hear this song, and a few others, it makes me homesick.

I don’t really know if I want to go back, though. Nothing’s the same anymore, and that’s something I kind of always counted on. That if I drove down Victory Blvd. I would see the skyline the whole way down, then turn onto the Terrace and see in on my right. The Verrazano would always be lit with those tiny green-white lights and Ralph’s will always be open in the summer. Well, one down, two to go, and there I go being cynical again. I don’t think I’m going to write down all my thoughts on this subject here because I know no one will even begin to comprehend them. So.

What I said to Maurice:
Amin mela lle... That's I love you in Elvish. Tell me if you think I'm being dumb with this.
What he said to me:

No you're not, you wouldn’t be yourself if you didn’t, besides, I'd love you no matter what you said… Even if I can’t understand you...

Aw. Isn’t that sweet? :: blushes :: That made my day. It really did.


Feb. 2nd, 2002 09:08 pm
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I just got off the phone with Alta a little while ago. God, I miss her. She's been filling me in on what's happening in AZ- tons and tons of drama. Tamara apparently is reverting to being a doormat- and Brian is more of a dick than ever. I swear to God if I ever see him again, I'm going to go up to him and punch him in the face. Then I'll let him wonder why I did that.

Tamara's also going home right after graduation. In another month the only ones left out there will be Alta, Maurice and JC. George is going back to Cali- I think- and so are Seneca, Johnny and all them. Anyway Alta talked to Johnny. Drama! He says that he doesn't want a relationship right now though. Oh well, his loss.

I want to go to Hawaii with them when Alta graduates- that's my goal right now. Of course, where am I going to get the money? Maybe I'll win the lottery.

Saw the musical today. It was good. The seats were way too expensive, and it was way too long, but it was good. Tom was really funny. I finally met his older brother. He's pretty cool.
Kate's over there right now, doing the last show. She should be back around 11:30. We're going to watch The Prophecy when she gets back. It's got Viggo Mortensen in it (!) but I like it because Christopher Walken is so damn awesome. The Prophecy is one of my favorites, although it always creeps me out when I watch it. Kate wants to see From Hell, but I told her she's on her own for that one. I never want to see that movie again in my life.

I wonder if Alta will read this? I wonder if she'll give the link to Maurice to read? I miss him so much. I've never missed anyone like this before. Sometimes I wonder why I ever left, but I had to. I didn't really have a choice. I did, but I didn't. I don't know. I was needed here, so I came back- you get it? Didn't think so.

We were up till three last night drawing pictures of Legolas and Haldir. I'm gonna have to scan them and put them on here. The ones Kate drew are really good.

I tried to talk Alta into going to see LOTR. I don't think she will. If she does, she'll probably fall asleep. lol. That's what she always does in movies.

I'm not feeling especially angsty today. Or rather, I'm not letting things get to me. I could, easily. Kate interpreted my dream from the other night- it makes a lot more sense now, and I can kind of see how it's not just more violence stemming from the Thing. Maybe one day I'll get the guts to put it down here- it's just too private somehow.

Which brings me to my next point- I never kept a journal or diary because I was afraid people would read it. Now that anyone has access to it, I update one faithfully. With sometimes very personal stuff. It really doesn't bother me that much, surprisingly.


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August 2014

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